It was so close, yet far out of reach. Rob strained to reach it to the point that his arm felt like it would snap from his body. Gravity crushed against him and pushed him deeper and deeper into his soft prison. He knew that if he didn’t get it now, that it would soon be over. She would arrive and snatch it from his clutches. He had just awoken from his 15 minute Mountain Dew induced coma by the sound of the car entering the driveway and guessed that he had about thirty seconds before she entered the room.
“TLC, VH1, Lifetime….”
The thoughts menacingly floated in his head, threatening the fate that was sure to befall him if he couldn’t reach it in time. He rallied his strength and his flabby abdominals strained with enough force for him to lean slightly forward. His hamstrings burned as his elevated legs seemed to resist his arms advance towards his toes, with the remote just inches to their left.
“Marley and me, The Devil wears Prada, 27 Dresses….”
Tears welled in his eyes as it seemed that his tendons were tearing from exertion. A vein bulged on his forehead as his arm inches slightly closer to the remote. Sweat beaded down his forehead and cut through his Dorito crusted lips before dripping off his chin. His legs screamed with agony. His gut bulged painfully against itself as his body folded in on itself. His pointer and middle fingers brushed the smooth black bottom of the remote and he wiggled them furiously in an attempt to drag in closer. The remote fended off his attack and his fingers began to slowly drift away from his prize. He couldn’t keep this up much longer. He knew that he was now forced to devote all his energy to one final, desperate attempt. He heard footsteps behind him. There was no more time.
And yet, there was suddenly silence. Time stopped. There was no more couch. No more remote. Only a single thought in the blackness of his mind that served as his rallying cry.
“Avengers: Infinity War is now on Netflix.”
Electricity surged through his body and pooled into his arm. With the force and speed of an obese cheetah, his hand lunged a couple extra inches to firmly grasp the black trophy is his palm. As soon as he attained his prize, his hamstrings sling-shotted him back into the couch at the speed of Mach-5, causing the couch to engulf his body for a few moments before spitting him back into his resting position.
He quickly stuffed the remote in the crevice to his left just as he heard, “What are you watching?” He had triumphed! She wouldn’t be able to change the channel to watch her shows and she would surely leave disappointed! He looked at the screen. He hadn’t been paying attention to what channel the television on. His heart sunk as he recognized the images flashing across the screen.
“...I’m watching… Legally Blonde….”
A single tear rolled down his cheek. He bowed his head shamefully. It was over. What girl could resist such a movie? He was doomed to endure an hour of shallow, chick-flick humor and he was beside himself with grief.
She sighed and threw herself on the couch. She said disappointedly, “Really? Cause I heard that the new Avengers just got on Netflix and I was hoping we could watch it…. What….why are you staring at me? Are you okay?”
“...This is why I married you.”
