Sunday, March 23, 2014

The Incident

Day Two:
It's already starting to affect me. The images frequent my mind daily, but the sounds, sweet mercy, they are all I hear anymore.

Day Three:
I can't stop myself anymore. My personality is slowly deteriorating into music. I am no longer able to distinguish between the right time to sing and the wrong time to sing. Please help me

Day Seven:
It's too late. I feel myself lapsing. I'm not strong enough to overcome the urges anymore. People are noticing, they give me weird looks, but they don't know my struggle, they don't know what I'm trying to conceal or not to feel. I can't let them know....

Day Ten:
For the first time, I can't think rational thoughts anymore. People are asking me where I've been. I'm trying to have courage, but I'm so cold. I've heard people do things when they're scared, or stressed, or mad, but I'm not any of those. I just can't let it go.

Day Fifteen:
Now they know, there's no escape from the storm inside. I'm such a fool, my isolation is a confirmation of my desire for human hugs. Isolation. Kingdom of Isolation...Let it goooooo-

-No, I can't give in, but there's so much fear, you're not safe here!

It's not to late, I have to be strong, I have to build a snowman. Come on, let's go and pla-a-a-ay!

WHAT HAVE I DONE! WHY WAS I SO BLIND!!! IF ONLY THERE WAS SOMEONE WHO LOVED ME!





..............................................................................................




Day One:


Just picked up the DVD of Frozen! I loved this movie in the theater and I can't wait to watch it over,   and   over,   and   over,  and  over,  and  over, and  over, and over,  and  over, and  over, and  over, and over, and  over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over,  and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over.....

Thursday, March 20, 2014

150 Views!

Man... I don't know what to say.

Over 100 people  somehow stumbled onto my Blog. They probably didn't read anything, but that's fine, I guess.

To commemorate this occasion, I am going to donate 150 pennies to a charity of my choice! You all have made my dreams possible and this is my way of saying, "Thank You." (Also, is it true that 65 cents is enough to save the life of a third world child? Just trying to stretch my dollar.)

As another bonus, I will leave you with this piece of wisdom.

What if time travel is possible, but you may only travel into the future? That's why we haven't seen any time travelers yet....

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Random Pun

Yesterday, for no reason whatsoever, I was thinking about chemistry and a pun popped into my head. The beginning goes like this-

What did the dentist say to the chemist who had a weight problem?

What follows this opening, the punchline, is (to be modest) the single most ingenious thing that has ever been written by any human being since the beginning of time. When said correctly, even the most cynical of cynics will say,"I see what you did there." (Which is the phrase most pun artists strive for). It is a perfect pun as it can be interpreted in several different, logical scenarios that all make sense, which is what a pun must do.

Another real quick disclaimer, if you don't know chemistry, you won't get this pun. Alas, that is the pain of a pun professional, to find a clever joke that can be enjoyed by all people, despite their background or knowledge. I guess, now, I must retract my previous statement, this is not the perfect pun, this is only the closest anyone has ever gotten to the perfect pun.

So, without further ado, here is the partly-perfect pun.


What did the dentist say to the chemist who had a weight problem?







"I can help you reduce your molar mass"



Sunday, February 23, 2014

My Opinion on Highly Controversial Topics

Before I go any further, I must warn the reader at this point. These opinions are extremely biased and some may find them offensive. Read at your own discretion.

Here we go.

-I believe that toliet-paper should be should roll out over top and not under bottom, as some people believe.

-Those tiny, rectangle band-aids are worthless. (Too big for a tiny cut, too small for anything else.)

-Titanic was overrated

-Snuggies don't really work, they always fall off and the sleeves just end up covering your hands when you try to do something.

-I'd rather sit on a freezing cold toliet seat than a slightly warm one

-The first guy to try drinking milk wasn't weird or crazy, just desperate.

-Obviously the egg came first... or maybe it was the chicken because how could an egg just appear…maybe the egg evolved from single-celled organisms and a chicken came out…. Never-mind.

-Kim Kardashian talent of having no talent and making money off of it is unfair. (Why not me?)

- Each pair of socks must have one sock that is some kind of sentient life-form, bent on escaping and disappearing forever.

- In my book, Pluto is still a planet

-Also in my book, Tomatoes are still vegetables

-Bacon isn't that great.

-Stop saying "Faith in Humanity Lost" every time you see a slightly idiotic post online. (Seriously, if you can give-up on the entire Human Race just because one person said "Swag", then you need to work out your issues.)

-Aquaman is a great Super-Hero. Thanks to him, the good guys basically have the sea under their control.

-Informercials are pointless. I have never been motivated to buy something because I saw it on T.V.

-"That Post" can not, and did not, give you cancer

-They shouldn't let everything that is technically a "Sport" into the Olympics. (Seriously; Curling, Race Walking, Grass Hockey, etc.)

-The air in bags of chips is to prevent them from being reduced to crumbs before they're even on shelves, stop complaining.

-It doesn't matter how full the glass is.

-Global Warming caused by pollution? What pollution ended the Ice Age then?

-I know that the black water melon seeds won't grow in my stomach, I'd just rather not eat them.

-Twerking was invented by an elderly man who was prone to seizures

-Hi-fives are weird. You hurt someone else's hand because they did something good.

-Frozen Yogurt is basically Ice Cream infused with bacteria.

Last but not least, Cats, contrary to what the internet and seemingly everyone on the planet might think, are not that cute.

There, I said it.








Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Boring Story That Doesn't Have a Point

It was seven in the morning. I hit snooze on my alarm clock. I stood up out of my bed.

I was still very tired.

"I should take a nap." I thought to myself. "But I can't take a nap now, I just woke up." I agreed with myself and went to the kitchen for breakfast.

I wondered if I should eat cereal or make scrambled eggs for myself. On one hand, eggs were easy to make, tasted good, and were good for you, but on the other hand, cereal was really easy to make. My lazy side chose cereal and I ate my bowl of frosted squares sitting on a stool in my kitchen in silence. I still wanted to take a nap.

I finished my breakfast and got ready for work. I decided that I should wear my blue tie because I had worn the red one yesterday. I congratulated myself for my memory as I scrambled to find my misplaced keys. I found them next to my bird-watching book (a week ago I had caught a glimpse of the red-speckled sparrow) and went out the door.

I drove to work. Traffic was horrible and I got there thirty minutes late. I spent eight hours doing menial labor for medium pay and then I went home. Traffic was horrible and I got home thirty minutes late.

I opened the door, took off my work clothes, and sat on the couch. I turned on the T.V. and watched until I realized that I was really tired. I turned off the T.V. and then I took a nap.






Sunday, February 16, 2014

Life Changing Movie


This movie changed my life.

*Most Funniest Jokes

I tried to grab Fog once
            
                     I mist

Why was everyone mad at the dish when he arrived at the party?
He was plate

What do you call a screw you can drive with your pinky?
A finger-nail!

What do you call the bottom of a Pen's shoe?
A Pen-sole!

Was the chair excited when he was bolted to the ground?
No, he was floored.

What did the man say when he stubbed his toe on the Sofa?
"Couch!"

Who won the race between the bows and the ties?
It was a tie.

What do you call a sorceress that turns the lights on and off?
A S-witch!

Why did the psychic suddenly stop his car?
It was a sign.

"Is there a tree that would catch a pokemon?"
Oak Wood.

*Disclaimer: Carter's Creative Blog Name will not be held accountable for awkward silences or eye rolls cause by these jokes. Injuries caused or families broken can not be held against the conscience of the Blog. You should've learned from the corny-nish from the last jokes.








Saturday, February 15, 2014

The Key to Being Happy!


The key to being happy is to believe in yourself and never give up.


Haahahahahahahahahahahhaahaahahhahaahahhahahahahhahahahaahhahahahahahahahahahahahah… ahhhh.

But Seriously, being happy is such a weird statement. To be plain and simple, no one can just be simply "happy" for no reason (unless you're high, but I wouldn't recommend that either). In order to be happy, one must be happy because of something. The real question is: What can I do to make me happy?

The way I see it, you can only be truly happy when you're having fun with friends (or complete strangers), helping others, or accomplishing something.

Who, honestly, could play a one-player game forever and be happy? Football would be kind of depressing if it was just one guy running around, wishing he had friends. Some games, especially some video games, make you feel happy because it gives you the illusion that you're accomplishing something (I just saved the world! I made a castle! I won the Super Bowl!).

Who, honestly, couldn't be happy after they just finished building a house that they could live in? Accomplishing something, even if you just pour a bowl of cereal without splashing milk on the counter,  will always bring happiness. There's a toy company that understands this better than anyone else, have you heard of Legos?

Helping others is also a sure-fire way to get rid of that pit in your stomach on any given day. There is no better feeling than to know or see someone is sincerely thankful for something you did. You don't have to take a bullet for someone to feel like you've helped someone, instead you could do a chore they hate doing themselves or make them a meal (ugh, I hate that word meal almost as much as I hate the word moist).

Hanging out with friends can be a double-edged blade (wow Carter! Nice metaphor! Thanks, I try my best). If you're laughing with each other, playing a fun game, or even just talking, then it's probably going to make you feel really happy. On the other hand, if you're breaking the law with your friends, chances are your not going to be happy (either right then or soon).

Not to get too preachy, I'll just say one more thing. Don't trade your future happiness for pleasure in the moment. Often if you go about your day doing things that you think would make you happier in the future than right now, you'll find that something weird happens and you'll be happy all the time.

P.S. It's true that money can't buy happiness, but let's just say that you'd have a lot more fun sky-diving in the Bahama's with your friends than going to a movie with your friends.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

The Snowballs


Despite all I had been through that day, I couldn't help myself from thinking,

The snow looks beautiful today….

It had been a regular day as I walked home from elementary school with Timmy. First grade wasn't for everyone, but I was king of my class. Kids respected me, I was always voted Line Leader, and sometimes the teacher left an apple on my desk in the morning. I thought I had it all under control, until, that day as I walked home from Mrs. Johnson's first grade class with Timothy Rays Anderson.

I hadn't seen the first snowball strike the pavement beside my foot, leaving snowflakes scattered across the concrete. I barely recall the second one whiz past my face and splatter across the trash-can behind me. All I can remember is the third snowball when it was shot straight into red super-man backpack of Timmy. 

I turned.
More Snowballs.
Timmy was on the ground.
I run.
I hear screaming.

Just when I think I'm going to feel the icy embrace of a snowball, I see Garrett, the 2nd grade class president, waving me towards him from across the frosted expanse of the schoolyard.

"Chucky Cheeses! Run Jacob, Run!" Garret screamed at me. 

That was how I remember the first day of the Great Snow Slaughter of Granite Cliff Elementary. I made it to Garrett's fort that day and I saw tens of scared, cold, and slightly overweight school children. 

I knew then that I would be their leader.

Day two wasn't much better than the first, the fourth graders had us pinned down the fort the entire day. Juicy-Juice box supplies ran low, Claire stubbed her toe on some ice, and a sickening epidemic of runny noses ran rampant. This continued through Day Three and Day Four, but that's when I decided I had enough.

"Recess is over!" I screamed at the beginning of Day Five. Shivering heads turned to look at me, a tinge of hope at the back of their eyes.

"I don't know a lot….. I don't know why we don't have nap time anymore, I don't know why the lunch ladies always smell like cough medicine," nods of approval ran through the crowd, "I don't even know how to tie my own shoes! But… I do know one thing: Fourth Graders are Butt-heads!!!"
Cheers arose from all corners of the snow fort, I could see fire behind the freezing eyes of all the first and second graders.
"Well said," Garrett whispered," Well said…."

That was the day things changed. I led multiple raids on the fourth grader's chicken nugget storehouses, which, while they were small victories, boosted morale through the roof. Claire recovered from her stubbed toe with the help of Jim, whose mom was a doctor. Things were going so well, even Garrett, who was usually solemn and brooding, allowed himself a smile from time to time.

I should've known if we built ourselves up to the sky that we would eventually fall hard to the frozen earth. That happened on Day Eight.

"If we can halt their snowball production here," Garrett pointed to the map drawn by Sally (her dad was an artist),"and knock out their snack deliveries at the parking lot here, then we could be home in time for grilled cheese." Everyone around the table nodded their approval, except for me. 
"It's too obvious, they'll expect it." I muttered in disapproval. "Excuse me?" Garrett mockingly asked,"If you have a better idea, Captain poopy-pants, then we'd all love to hear it!" I bit my tongue, which made me feel my wobbly tooth and I almost couldn't contain my excitement at the thought of a visit from the Tooth Fairy. It must've shown, because Garrett smiled and whispered,"We do this right and you'll be home to get that quarter for your milk money."

I couldn't argue.

That night we trudged through the snow as quietly as we could towards the fourth-graders snack drop-off.
"Garrett," I said behind him as we walked," about what happened back there-"
"Stop," He cut me off," don't mention it."

He turned his head as he walked to give me an uncharacteristic smile as the first snowball hit him directly in the gut. He fell to his knees clutching his stomach.

"Butt-heads!!!" Claire screamed.

Snowballs flew through the air as we scrambled to counter-attack the ambush. We hadn't brought enough snowballs, Jim fell to the ground, I dodged a projectile lobbed at my shoulder, Sally screamed in pain, kids fled leaderless, I saw Claire lay motionless in the snow. 

I turned my head around just in time to see a snowball rapidly approaching my face. 

My vision blurred and my ears began to ring as I hit the ground.
My arms felt heavy and pain surged through my body. 
Not like this

I don't know if I was unconscious, but suddenly I felt something latch onto me arms and begin dragging me. Next thing I knew, I was in my mom's minivan, seat belted in the seat next to the window. My head was groggy. Timmy…Sally…Claire….Garrett….

"How was your day?" My sweet, sweet ignorant mom asked. I gazed out the window at the snow covered landscape flying past my eyes.

Despite all I had been through that day, I couldn't help myself from thinking,

The snow looks beautiful today….




Wednesday, February 12, 2014

*Hilarious Jokes

What did the turtle say to the other turtle?
 
                           "We're turtles."

What did the gorilla say to the other gorilla?
                         
                            "We're gorillas"

What did the pony say to the other pony?

                            "I'm a little hoarse"


Why did the carpenter get sent to timeout?

He didn't chair with others


Why couldn't the author deliver newspapers to the neighborhood?

It was the Writer's Block!  


Why did Sally fall of the swing?
Because she had no arms.

Knock Knock!
"Who's there?"
Not Sally

What did the medieval pope say after his morning jog?

"My legs are on Friar!"


*Carter Niedert takes no blame for the jokes written. All jokes read are read at the consent and own peril of the reader. Hilarious content not guaranteed.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Deep Thought #1

This thought just popped into my head one day, "Life is 100% Work." That's kind of an abysmal statement, (okay, more than just kind of) but it has more than one meaning. As a human being, you're destined to an entire life of work (a life of constantly searching for food, protecting yourself from predators, and long hours of work). Recently, technology has changed this principle. People are now able, through technology, to push away some of their work. This has a downside though, the resources that these technologies consume cause the work to be pushed into the future.  If people from Sudan and Somalia began to enjoy the same luxuries that people living in developed countries have, then the world would shortly run out of all its resources. Eventually, as the world population swells, there is going to be a lot of work in the future to ensure the survival of the planet, as well as the human race.


Solution: Those who have a lot need to give up a lot for the people who have nothing. Otherwise, once the people who have nothing get something the people who have a lot won't be able to get as much.

Sooooooo Deeeeeep!



Sunday, February 9, 2014

What is This Blog You Speak of?

Well, I've tried to blog before (saying blog kind of makes me cringe, maybe because it's usually associated with Cooking blogs or Book blogs or some other third frilly type of blog.)  but it didn't work out too well. That's one reason why I've started this blog. This one will have basically anything I want to write at the time, kind of like a diary (However, instead of writing my thoughts on a page never to be seen or read again, I'm putting them online where at least I know there's a chance that someone might read them).
Also, The internet seemingly has a tendency to make any random person with a computer, let's say, filthy rich. (Which doesn't motivate me in the slightest.)

I can't think of anything to add past what I've said, so hopefully this will have interested you enough to keep you reading.

Yep.